by Dr. K. Parvathi Kumar Book Presentation Overview Wisdom

Compatibility is the basis for living together. When there are certain aspects where a man and a woman are not compatible, there are also certain factors where they are compatible. If there is no compatibility at all, matchmaking and marrying results in a failure. Compatibility is evaluated on the basis of the psychological suitabilities, and not on the basis of the outer appearances and expressions. The outer expressions of every human are their looks, their physique, their social and economic standing and as also their outer abilities. These are perceptible, exterior expressions of a person. But there is the inner person, the sum total of the psychic energy of oneself. These inner qualities are generally latent and hidden and cannot be measured by the surficial expressions. They can be known through one's attitude towards life, one's pursuits in life, one's goals in life. If the goals, pursuits and attitudes are totally divergent a man and a woman cannot make a couple to live and to move together. For example, if one holds noble pursuits to serve humanity in one way or the other, and if the other holds mundane pursuits, there is a vast attitudinal difference. They cannot proceed together in life and build a beautiful family. Similarly, if one is pursuing theistic ideas and another is pursuing an atheistic idea there is much pain in the other because one cuts across the other. It is for this reason that matchmaking has to happen on the basis of psychical and psychological compatibility, more than the superficial compatibilities. Most of the marriages break up when they come together on the basis of superficial compatibility. When a man and a woman live together over a couple of years, the inner attitude and tendencies are better realised. When the value base as between the two is different, it is difficult to live together. But living together before one marries is not recommended since it amounts to being licentiousness. Man and woman are expected to be celibates and virgins before they marry. Here emerges the difficulty. This is where wisdom comes to rescue.

Wisdom has parameters to ascertain compatibilities. The background of each one for three generations is to be elicited in a gentle way through common friends and associates. The ideological, cultural, and social background of the person over three preceding generations gives an idea relating to the energy system that one constitutes. The actions and deeds done by the forefathers indicate the tendencies that one carries in his blood. That is fairly ascertainable through gentle and meaningful inquiry done in good will. This background of a person, along with his present actions and deeds, give a fair idea. Gentle inter-changes over a cup of tea or coffee between man and woman would also reveal some more.

The astrological charts also throw certain light on the subject. Evaluating the data in this manner is very helpful for one to find a common minimum compatibility, which can form a base for living together after marriage.

In every marriage there is no such thing as one hundred per cent compatibility. Certain incompatibilities do exist, and they need to be worked out with patience and understanding. But if there is no common minimum ground it virtually becomes a painful process to live together. Marriage is by far the most significant relation, which one embarks upon, once in a lifetime, and hence a balanced approach is essential - rather than an emotional approach. Emotions fade away in a couple of years and one faces hard realities thereafter. Therefore, considered thoughts should be preferred to emotions. Wisdom should prevail over instinct and emotions. May this caution be entertained so that a beautiful life can be built over such considered thoughts.